Haven't published a word in 3 years. Geez. Life gets busy.

Today was one of those days I wish would be long forgotten or at least dismissed as "another boring day." Alas, that probably won't happen because the drama and the tears and frustration that defined the afternoon will mark this day for quite awhile as a bit more than boring. Drama is a better descriptor, I think.

There are four females living in our home, otherwise known as Kappa Alpha Estrogen. It seems at times healthy boundaries get blurred, feelings get hurt and one young lady or another begins to spew angry words and accusations that would make a sailor blush.

It's days like today that I figure, what's the use? Who cares anyway if these three girls have mutual love and respect for each other, my expectations must be too high, anyway. Besides, the oldest one is quick to remind me everyone (or no one) else is "doing it or going there or wearing it…" What do I know?

It's not like I wrote the book on Mothering 101: All You Need to Know…and Then Some.

I mean, is it really realistic to want, to truly desire these young women grow into emotionally, physically, spiritually healthy adults that are able to love and be loved? Am I expecting too much to want a great family that honors God first, loves one another and seeks to serve others?

A week or so ago, my friend Joanne was lamenting the same questions, only in her own way.

"Parenting is hard. And when it gets hard and when I'm tired and when it seems like

nothing ever changes, well, I just want to give up. I figure my hopes and dreams and expectations

of what a family should/could be must be just plain unrealistic and that maybe I should just lower the bar."

I thought I was the only one who felt this way…but it seems lots of us feel kind of discouraged sometimes. When I am without courage, when I want to just kick the ground and sort of give up I am reminded of a couple things:

My Lord loves my children far more than I do. He is even more interested in their emotional, physical and spiritual growth than I ever will be. (Whew…that does take a little pressure off.)

The Enemy loves when I get discouraged, sullen, sulky and full of self-pity…he jumps right in and echoes every negative thought I can think.

The Truth: Family is and always will be God's idea…so my desires for my family to be a great family…they aren't selfish, they are biblical. Psalm 128 reminds me that "Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in His ways. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours.''

More Truth: This life isn't easy, it wasn't meant to be…but I am not alone as a mom, God is working in and through my heart and in and through the hearts of my girls, too. His plans for them will not be sidetracked by my sub-par parenting nor will they be augmented by spectacularly fantastic parenting, either. I am called to fear the Lord, to walk in His ways, to talk about Him to my children and pray for them dutifully. That's it. I can trust Him to do what He says He can do and that He is sufficient.

so, what's your story?

i began journaling in high school, ostensibly as a class assignment, however my love for words and the continuous flow of teen drama compelled me to continue writing beyond high school and through college. today, i journal in a specially selected notebook...the qualities of the chosen one include a spiral binding, heavy lined paper and a cool retro type cover illustration like the ones found here.

more recently, at least over the last couple of years, i have especially enjoyed blogging.  i feel like the blog format allows me some freedom to have a conversation...even if it is with myself...or to provide encouragement and a morsel of humor to a reader or two that happen to stumble upon"Out of the Mud."

of course, the upside of blogging is that i can write about anything i want, on the other hand my posts tend to be sporadic and not particularly focused on any one subject area. it doesn't take long for the astute observer to conclude i am hard pressed to remain focused on any one 'thing' for any significant amount of time. apparently, there is a term for people like me...a.d.d. or a.d.h.d....back in high school 'airhead' or 'dingy blonde' was fairly accurate... i suppose i could focus all my blog posts on a.d.d....complete with 'how to' and '10 steps to...' articles.

mostly, though, i write about my life as a 'believer' or 'follower of Christ' or the older, less hip term used to describe us Jesus Freaks: 'born again Christian.' terminology aside, i do have other interests, check my facebook info page...i have a plethora of interests, but seriously, i kind of get tired of reading/writing/talking about recipes, cool new kitchen kitche, decorating my house, all the accomplishments of my overachieving husband and kids, will ferrell's latest movie and what not to wear.

i'm a thinker, i suppose, so i could examine and discuss the Palestinian/Israeli conflict, whether bailing out the banks is really a good idea, i could decry genocide in Rwanda, Sudan, or Congo...i could debate the ethics of late term abortion, discuss different treatments available for pre-, peri- and postmenopause, i could analyze the US Forest Service's current policy on prescribed burns on Forest Service lands or hold a web forum  on parenting and disciplining our children...but--

each of these subjects would eventually lose my interest...unless the discussion, debate, forum or rant had the 'aroma' of Christ...then we'd need to brew more coffee and put another log on the fire. because, not only do i love to share my story...i love to hear yours...i think that is why social networks, blogs, etc intrigue me...

as for me...what i truly love to share with those willing to read or listen is how one Person, the most historic figure ever to walk the earth drew me to Him and in a single moment i realized i am not a caterpillar, but a butterfly...

i love to share the moments i experience in my work as nurse...when i see the work of His hands in the birth of a new family. how it is only because of His spirit in me that i can look upon women and children with His eyes...people whom many would pass by on the street without giving them a second thought, those who live among us who are homeless, jobless, helpless, hopeless...and how this life we live, this very hard bumpy, crusty life is worth every bump and bruise...

in a world filled with contradiction, confusion and injustice, my friend Heather (@ especially heather) describes the One that gives me a hope and a future, One whose mercy is new every morning, Who gives me a joy from within that I cannot manufacture. it's not about prosperity or the good life...it's about a peace from within based upon grace at the Cross. it's about the Greatest Story ever told.

Easter is only the beginning of the Story, will it be the beginning of your story? Everyone has one...will you tell your story to Him, to the One who gives hope and grace?

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

2 Corinthians 5:17